They say your love is a wide open sky
They say your love is unending ocean
I believe it.
But today the blue winter sky is so far away
the ocean is something I can’t reach for
and I need
Your love to be a small, black rock for me today.
These hands, my hands, they’re so small
(You made them, so I guess you know)
all my life I’ve stretched farther
but never far enough
trying so hard to hold what I can’t
Is your love just one more beautiful thing
that becomes vaporous as a cloud to my touch,
does your love leak through my cupped hands
like salt water?
Maybe I can’t hold anything else in this life,
could I just hold you, entwined in my fingers
ensconced in a purple coat pocket
as I walk along a river of cars
(they call it a highway)
my world framed in a dome of gray fur like the sky
my blue-knit scarf heaving like an ocean horizon
my world, defined by defense against cold.
Right now, right here
could I just hold you
like a smooth stone that won’t slip away?
I just need you.
Yesterday I plucked a dying maple leaf
and swung it in wide arcs
conducting my soul, the furniture outlets,
the shopping mall and the stopped cars
at red rush hour traffic lights
into this song –
JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW
You became a tiny fetus
is it so hard for your love to be small enough
for me to hold on to you tonight?
Yesterday I sang each word
as though the weight of the world
pressed it from my cold lungs –
LITTLE ONES TO HIM BELONG
(Remember how little I am?)
THEY ARE WEAK
BUT HE IS STRONG
I can wrap my fingers around the solidity
of these words.
There’s smooth certainty here
YES JESUS LOVES ME!
Could your love be a small black rock
Could I just hold you tonight
and know I never, ever have to let you go?
Could you not be the sky I travel under,
the ocean I travel over,
but something I can close my hand on
and travel with?
Could you be certainty to my soul?
(if this is heresy, forgive me Father
I just want you close)
Sky of God, Ocean of God,
become a stone for me,
because I am one of the little ones
with small hands
and I belong to you.